Need relationship advice?

This is going to be a long story...so i hope you stick around to read it.





First of all, i have been dating this buy for 3 and a half years. He is 20, and i am 19. His name is Josh. We live together and have been living together for over a year.





For the last approx. 8 moths, things have changed, and not for the better. He seemed to stop loving me. He would refuse to have conversations with me, saying ';i dunno'; or ignoring me completly. He would refuse to kiss me back or even say i love you. Never wanted to hug.





I had tried so many times to fix things, bringing up my concerns just o have him say that I am wrong or ignore me while i cry myself to sleep.





I began a new job a few moths ago, and have made a lot of friends, including one that has gotten very close to me. His name is Matt. He and I have been talking, and I am having very strong feelings for him. He is also having them for me.





About two weeks ago, i gave up on trying to fix my current relationship. I drifted away, and it took Josh a while to notice anything was wrong, and when he did he broke down.





He cried, and begged me to stay. I told him that I still love him, but its not that easy. I have felt like a piece of furniture for the last 8 months...I told him that i love him, but did not know if i was in love with him anymore...or if i ever could be again. I also told him about Matt.





At first, he blaimed himself, saying that he was being dumb, and he cant see how he could have done that. He cried for days. And then he turned on me. He started saying that I went out looking for someone and that this is all my fault. He also went to the doctor and got some blood work done. The blood work came back that he has had mono for the last 6 moths, and it is now a healed infection. He says the mono made him treat me like he did. That he was too tired from the mono to care...





Matt wants me to leave, and I want to leave...but i am afraid.





There are even more complications. Josh has bought me so many things...a tv, a ps3, a car...he has spent so much money one me and he wont let me forget it. He constantly brings it up, acting like I owe him and have to stay.





I want to be happy. He does not understand that I would rather give it all back if it could mean happiness for me.





The other day josh and I got into a fight early in the morning and I wanted to leave...he would not let me. He pushed me back and blocked the door. I told him i needed to get out to think and he said i couldnt take my car...and it was pouring but i agreed to walk. Eventually he let me go, and take my car...but he was not happy. He told me to call him later. I agreed.





After about 1.5 hours i got a horrible feeling in my stomach. I text him and no answer...i called him a few times and no answer...i paniced.





I called his best friend, who went over to our apt to check on him. He had been talking about hurting himself for the last few weeks and that he couldnt live without me. He wouldnt answer the door or his best friends phone calls, or mine. I called over 20 times.





When we opened the door, he wasnt there. His car was still parked outside, but he was gone. I was so afraid. I called the police and they sent someone over. I called everyone i knew, all of his family. They did not know where he was.





As i was wrapping up things with the police, we got a call from Joshs mom. She said he was with his brother-in-law and that he told her not to tell me that he was ok, or where he was....WTF. Needless to say, the cop, me and Josh's best friend were pissed. It had been 4 hours of us calling and looking for him and he only answered for his mom.





I know that i should follow my heart. If you feel like something is wrong, then there is something wrong...But i dont know what i feel. I feel like Josh and I are just friends, and Matt and I are more, and can be more. I am so afraid of making the wrong choice...





I have no idea what to do. Can someone please help meNeed relationship advice?
well...


you can't really ask random people on yahoo answers.. there are some choices you have to make yourself.


but as for what josh keeps saying about buying you stuff.. just give them back. you can't buy a relationship.. and just to let you know, if you're 'in love' with both guys, then you're obviously not in love with either of them...


and you can't really make a wrong choice in this situation..


they both seem like great guys who really care about you..





but good luck.Need relationship advice?
I have been on Josh's side of this story and I can tell you first hand that you need to get out of this relationship.


Josh has problems that he needs to work out and granted at one time you did have a good relationship, it is not one now. At this point things will never be the same and you have also started to pull away because you know this isn't what you want.


The only thing you can do besides leaving, is to talk to his parents and his friends and tell them your concerns. You need to tell Josh that he needs to get help and that the both of you need to part ways until he gets better. Chances are if he does get help, his life will already be moving in a different direction as yours and it will just be one more chapter in your book of life.


Trust me, Josh needs to get help and you need to move on with your life because you already have. Don't let someone elses sickness become your own.
Wow...that's a tough situation. My advice is to leave Josh, no matter what he says to you. It is wrong of him to guilt you into staying with him. Gifts are gifts...and though they are nice gifts, that is not a reason for you to stay with him. He was the one who chose to give you those gifts...and now they belong to you.





He seems to be doing everything he can to get you to stay, and it's really unfair to you. You need to worry about you...and ONLY you. You can't worry that he's going to harm himself (which is a terrible thing for him to put on you!!!) or that he paid for so many nice things for you while you were together.





If he does anything to hurt himself, remember that it's NOT your fault. He is the one who will be choosing to do so...and he can't keep you out of guilt. You will never be happy with someone who pretty much forces you to stay with him! I hope you can get out of the lease with him, and move elsewhere...and start dating Matt. Even if it doesn't work out with Matt, Josh sounds like a toxic person to be with. You need to completely cut him out of your life. You also should suggest he get therapy b/c threatening to hurt himself if you end things is a HUGE cry for help!!!
You can't fix someone. You know that. It's unfortunate that things have gone the way they have, but you already know what you want, and it is not a relationship with Josh. He needs professional help. And his mother, as co-conspirator, is not doing him any favors.





Move out. Even if things don't work out with Matt ...and they may not ... it doesn't sound like the relationship you have with Josh is a healthy one any longer.
Hiya,


I think you should leave, you dont really love your man anymore it seem. go back and live with your mum or a friend for at least a month, not seeing anyone. to get your head right. then if u wanna get back with your man or see the new man at work then cool.





you need time away from both of them to sort your head out. its not fair on your man, u need to be able to look him straight in the face and say im willing to work on this or its over too much hurt has been done.





then the new man at work, thats tricky coz hes properbly not that great hes just been a souce of comfort and attraction when your low, so if after about a month hes willing to wait for you to sort your head out and you still like him and have sorted out your man then cool, go for it. you shouldnt leave your man for him, you should leave cause you dont want to be with him any more.





i know a LOT about this, i was in the same position about 2 years ago, incase your wondering. i left my man of 5 years, went with the work man, he just liked the chase didnt want me when he could have me. now im with a great man. leaving my ex was the best thing i ever did, i was so unhappy with him and i learnt a lot about myself too. its very very hard tho, so take your time out and sort your head out and right a list of pros and cons. hope this helps x
leave him


he is abusive and you need to get away


you dont want to be with him so why be with him


leave if thats going to make you happy


he is trying to make you feel bad so you will stay
Are you willing to put up with this and more of this type of behavior along the road in this relationship you have with Josh? Ask yourself that question and it should allow you to understand that the relationship is not only dead, but its not healthy. In order for it to be a happy and healthy relationship, both parties must be happy. You must move out and move on without looking back, but if you feel like you can stay longer, than stay and try to continue to work things out (although from what I read, there really isnt any improvement). Either way, I wish you the best of luck.
Go. By holding the gifts he gave you over your head and physically trying to keep you from leaving, Josh is showing signs of being dangerously controlling. He's also refusing to take responsibility for his part in the relationship's deterioration, which means he's not going to be able to work on those problems and fix things with you even if you do decide to stay. Give him his stuff back if that's what it takes to get him to understand that you're serious, but find a place to stay (preferably not Matt's) and end things before they spiral even further out of control.
Leave Josh. He screwed up by ignoring you. Move on.





If he gives you crap - leave the stuff he gave you. But a gift is a gift and should come without strings attached. I am always careful about accepting gifts from guys. I don't want to feel like I owe them anything later.
I've been in your situation. I moved in with a guy who I thought I was totally in love with. But after living together for a while, we just didn't have the same relationship. You might not be able to see this, but at your age, you are changing into a completely different person than you were in high school. So is he. It is part of growing up. You both start finding new interests and new friends-and you will be attracted to other guys. It seems like suddenly you are going in opposite directions. But you are so used to being in this relationship, that you keep trying to make it work. Neither of you are the same person you were when you first got together.





This is where you have to be strong. The two of you need some time apart to sort out your feelings. It is a tough thing to do because you share an apartment and have this long history together, but you have to find a way to do it. You need to think about what your feelings are right now, not what they were 6 months ago. You need to think about your priorities, and what you want your life to be like. You may not want to break up with him, but it may be the best choice for both of you. In the future, you'll realize that you needed this experience to be able to grow as a person. And you'll find that each new relationship is better than the last one because of the things you've learned.
It seems like Josh has a few issues. You seem to like Matt so now your more motivated to leave Josh. If Matt wasn't in the picture then you would be focused on Josh. My advise....Matt's just a guy, put him on the back burner until you work out your situation with Josh. If you stay with Josh or not...you should work it out without Matt in the picture. I don't think this whole relationship is just one sided. Look nobody on here really knows the truth. As I said... work out your situation with Josh because for right now that is who your involved with. Keep close friends with Matt. Right now...Matt has bad timing.