I have been seeing/dating this guy for a year and a half now. I'm entering my last year of college in the fall at the age of 21 and he is 33. The age difference isn't a problem for me, being that I simply cannot relate to men my age, but its always been an issue for him. I became pregnant in May and it was a disappointment for both of us but I had the baby in February and we both can't imagine life without our daughter now.
Me and him have gotten a lot closer after having the baby but still, after a year and a half, he has an issue with making things ';official';. He feels that because I'm young, I might change or hurt him later on in life and that the biggest fear he has of us making it official is my age. He then went on to say that I have a lot of things ahead of me in my life and that he doesn't want to get in my way.
I have had enough with this whole ';together but not together'; relationship because it hurts having a baby with him, strong feelings for him, trying to do everything right, and this guy can't even call me his girlfriend. I told him yesterday I can't continue like this anymore and will need to talk about arrangements on how we can both see our daughter. He got upset and said he has a lot of love for me, is not read to lose me, and that we should have a serious talk. In short he said that he is scared of my age but is willing to get past this and make things official b/c he doesn't want what we have to end.
Now I have the feeling of ';Is it even worth it?';. It almost feels as if he feels FORCED to call me his girlfriend, instead of wanting to do it himself. Whats your take on this? Sarcastic people need not reply, thanks!Relationship advice, mature answers only please?
Wow! That is quite a situation that you are in! It does sound like you have a good handle on the situation, though, and that you are aware of all things involved, which is really good.
I understand that you don't want it to seem like you forced him to be in a relationship officially with you, but I think you are both aware that even though it wasn't technically official, you were in a relationship, and that you still are. Having a child together obviously connects you for life.
On one hand, you confronting him about the situation could have been his ';wake up call'; and put things into perspective for him, which means things should improve. But on the other hand, after being ';together'; for this long, it really seems like something he should have been able to figure out for himself.
It honestly seems as though he has just been taking you for granted during the past year or so. I think that age being an issue is just an excuse. If it wasn't an obstacle for him to have sex with you, then it shouldn't be an obstacle for him to really be with you.
To be perfectly honest, all the signs point to the conclusion that you shouldn't stay with him. Although, I am only going from what I have read, and there is no way I could know exactly how either of you feels. It is obvious that you care about him, though.
I really don't think you should settle for this when you could have more, though. You deserve someone who loves you so much, they won't let anything stand in the way of wanting to be with you, someone who is proud to say they are with you. You should be with someone who knows what they have, when they have you.
One last thing, is that I know you say you can't relate to men your age, and please don't take this the wrong way, because I know men can be very immature, but I think that is also an excuse. I agree that I couldn't date someone who is my age (my boyfriend is 4 years older, and we met while we were both in college), but I think there are men younger than 33 who you will find you have a lot in common with. I wouldn't disregard someone just because of their age.
I hope this has helped! The decision is solely up to you, and you shouldn't let his last minute feelings affect what you really want to do, and what you think is right. This is something you definitely need to seriously consider, because it not only will affect yourself, but your daughter as well, and I'm sure you know that, and are thinking of her as well.
Good Luck! =)Relationship advice, mature answers only please?
Yes its worth it, but enough is enough you are gonna have to tell him to get over the age difference and stop making excuses, if he can't do that then you will have to let him go. Good Luck.
Sounds like he might be afraid of ';making it official'; he sounds like either he doesn't care enough or maybe he is just too damn immature to commit.. I know 36 yr old men that still act 16 so i do not know what to tell you. Men are men some are boys, follow your heart I am sure everything will work out.
No offense, but he sounds like a bit of a jerk. If you've been with him for that long, and you have a child together, he better be able to call you his girlfriend! I don't see what the big deal is for him... The only reason I can think of as to why he wouldn't want to have a ';girlfriend'; is because then he can't see other women without ';cheating';. In my opinion, the age excuse is ridiculous. It's not like you're getting married. If you were to leave him one day, what difference would it make if he called you his girlfriend or not? He'd still feel the same. I think he's being very immature and disrespectful. I'd definitely be wondering if it was worth it too. I think probably not. Sorry and good luck!
It sounds like he is making every excuse in the book to not marry you. If you feel at all he is not the one, then dump him. You can't waste your life waiting for him to make the right choice for your relationship.
If you want to save the relationship, give him a choice. He either puts a ring on your finger and treats you like the mature, adult, women he loves, or you both find someone else.
It's hard because you have a daughter, but this happens more then you think. I left the father of my first daughter. I thought it was so awful and hard, but then not even a year later, I met my husband. He saw what a wonderful mother I was, and wanted to marry me. We had another baby, got married and now are planning for baby number three. You can and will find someone else if you really want to. (My husband is 9 years older then me, but I'm still more mature, lol)
Good luck, I hope you figure things out and HE grows up a little.
i strongly believe that if a man wants to be with you he gives you the place you deserve and doesn't care about anything else, especially after a baby. my boyfriend presents me as his wife to everyone he knows and we don't even have plans to get married yet (for financial reasons). you do whatever you feel comfortable with, but i definitely think that if he wants to be with you he will make an effort to make it right. good luck and congrats on your bundle!
After all you have been through AND had a baby if he wants you back, he wants you back. I think you should make it official because you do not want to have a newborn baby with divorced parents. She would not grow up right. She needs the love of her mother and father to grow into a happy child. Even though there is an age difference i highly recomend to make it official.
Wait a sec...all of this because after a year and a half, you want to be acknowledged as his girlfriend? I thought you were wanting to get married until the last sentence. If he can't even admit to people that he is ';with you';, he's not. I see a lot of emotional turmoil in your future. Have you met his friends and family? Are you a regular part of his life? If so, why would he not tell people that you are his girlfriend? I guess that I'm not familiar with the whole situation, but if after this long, he's not willing to publicly acknowledge you, I would say that, no, it's not worth it, and I'd find someone who will admit to being with you. After 1-1/2 years, AND a child, you two should be discussing marriage instead of whether you are his girlfriend. I have a feeling you are being taken advantage of in this situation.
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